Poetry

A classic of Great British humour
Slapstick, slap-and-tickle,
caught on candid camera

And everyone likes to see
the bad guy get his comeuppance,
don't they?

But there is something of
the gangster genre
about it too

where Al Capone is brought down
for his dishonest affairs
not for the cruel and unnecessary deaths on his watch

More info about our cricket team here.

We're Lewes Lightning
We're a little bit frightening
We're hitting up a storm

We roar like thunder
Over and under
When we are on form

We're young and older
Fierce and bolder
Than you might have thought us

- a villanelle about this.

Kids needed somewhere safe to swim
so locals raised funds for a pool,
got sponsor forms and filled them in

Again they shook donation tins
to keep aquatics at the school,
to keep the children safe to swim

We only needed a draw.
We didn't even need to score
unless we let one in.
We didn't even need to win,

Just make sure they didn't.
The point the draw would have given
and the two it would take away
from the rivals we happened to be playing that day

would have been enough.
Surely an ask that's not too tough.
Surely a task even we couldn't fluff.

My profit margin's wracked with doubt
My tax demands encumber
I think I know a good way out -
Now, where is Johnson's number?

I manufacture hoovers, mate,
but with a bit of luck
I'm sure I'll make them ventilate
and blow instead of suck

I'll slip the goods through Pirate Bay
and ship them up the Humber
While Customs look the other way -
Now, pass me Johnson's number

If you're locked down with books
and a partner who cooks
better than you
Then you'll probably get through

If you're locked down with a garden
it might not be so hard and
with a nice glass of wine
You'll probably be fine

If you're locked down with games
and people who play them
and plenty of space
You can probably face it

This stinking subway,
piss-soaked flags,
cold stone ground,
discarded fags
is way too good for them.

Install steel spikes,
bayonet their bodies off the floor
and out of doorways,
It's allowed,
or so the law says.

For sure these spears were ordered
from some lordly, comfy quarters
by people with a home to go to
when the deed was done.
Out of sight.