Bring your own booze
Bring your own excitement
Bring your own excuse
Bring your own entitlement
Bring your own germs
Bring your own immunity
Bring your own free pass
to party with impunity
Bring your own booze
Our public sewage industry
was sold to private bidders
Who don't dispose of putrid waste
but dump it in the rivers
They take responsibility
and flush it down the loo
For building up the affluent
builds effluence up too
The Tories' excremental sale
saw treatment work neglected
As income goes to bonuses
so beaches are infected
takes envelopes with splatters on
One hundred grand and he'll do your bidding
Fit for public office? You've got to be kidding.
A classic of Great British humour
caught on candid camera
And everyone likes to see
the bad guy get his comeuppance,
But there is something of
the gangster genre
about it too
where Al Capone is brought down
for his dishonest affairs
not for the cruel and unnecessary deaths on his watch
My profit margin's wracked with doubt
My tax demands encumber
I think I know a good way out -
Now, where is Johnson's number?
I manufacture hoovers, mate,
but with a bit of luck
I'm sure I'll make them ventilate
and blow instead of suck
I'll slip the goods through Pirate Bay
and ship them up the Humber
While Customs look the other way -
Now, pass me Johnson's number
claimed that capitalism and greed
made the vaccine succeed.
Some people know what it is worth.
Some people can now buy fresh fruit.
Or keep the heating on for another hour.
Some people can get a decent present
for the kiddo's birthday.
Or a coat when winter comes in.
Some people don't always have to make an excuse
when their mate invites them out.
Boris is sorry - deeply sorry -
for every life that's been lost
Johnson is worried - deeply worried -
about the political cost
He takes responsibility - full responsibility -
for all of the government's actions
Johnson is possibly - in all probability -
counting financial transactions
Opening presents, singing songs,
Telling Christmas stories,
Spreading seasonal goodwill
And, mostly, hating Tories