Hating Tories

My profit margin's wracked with doubt
My tax demands encumber
I think I know a good way out -
Now, where is Johnson's number?

I manufacture hoovers, mate,
but with a bit of luck
I'm sure I'll make them ventilate
and blow instead of suck

I'll slip the goods through Pirate Bay
and ship them up the Humber
While Customs look the other way -
Now, pass me Johnson's number

Some people know what it is worth.

Some people can now buy fresh fruit.
Or keep the heating on for another hour.
Some people can get a decent present
for the kiddo's birthday.
Or a coat when winter comes in.
Some people don't always have to make an excuse
when their mate invites them out.

Boris is sorry - deeply sorry -
for every life that's been lost
Johnson is worried - deeply worried -
about the political cost

He takes responsibility - full responsibility -
for all of the government's actions
Johnson is possibly - in all probability -
counting financial transactions

Opening presents, singing songs,

Telling Christmas stories,

Spreading seasonal goodwill

And, mostly, hating Tories

Michael Gove

Spun and stitched and wove

A tapestry of policy

Of bloody awful quality

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Photo: Chris McAndrew / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)

Emmeline Pankhurst
among feminists, ranked first
Until she ruined her story
by becoming a Tory

Charlie Elphicke:
a gift to the comic
Fancy the fun for
the writer of ribald rhyme

Lampooning his lechery
and wittily wagging his words
Absolutely absurd!

But no laughter lines from me
Sexual assault is serious,
is virulent, has victims.

Sordid story:
Naughty Tory.

Lyrics by "Borissey"

If you can, find figures that
make Britain look better
than other countries.

If you can't, then explain that
foreigners count differently
from us Brits.

If asked questions
about health and care workers,
say that they are heroes.

If pressed about their PPE, tests,
working conditions or isolation pay,
say again that they are heroes.