Hating Tories

Michael Gove

Spun and stitched and wove

A tapestry of policy

Of bloody awful quality

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Photo: Chris McAndrew / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)

Emmeline Pankhurst
among feminists, ranked first
Until she ruined her story
by becoming a Tory

Charlie Elphicke:
a gift to the comic
Fancy the fun for
the writer of ribald rhyme

Lampooning his lechery
and wittily wagging his words
Absolutely absurd!

But no laughter lines from me
Sexual assault is serious,
is virulent, has victims.

Sordid story:
Naughty Tory.

Lyrics by "Borissey"

If you can, find figures that
make Britain look better
than other countries.

If you can't, then explain that
foreigners count differently
from us Brits.

If asked questions
about health and care workers,
say that they are heroes.

If pressed about their PPE, tests,
working conditions or isolation pay,
say again that they are heroes.

Wear a shirt.
Goal: desirous.
Save wives.

Buttocks pert
Cheer up! Inspire us
Our PM thrives!

Spaff and squirt
On rolled papyrus
Nudging drives

Stay in yurt
Tune the wireless
High fives

Avoid dirt
Fight the tyrants
Till hope revives

Cuts hurt.
If bosses fire us,
Sharpen knives.

Broadcast at five o'clock
to millions of eager viewers

Our hapless hero
tackles the latest crisis

Trying to sound authoritative
but never quite in control

His spivvy mate
usually gets the better of him

It's not Railway Cuttings
it's Downing Street

It's a situation
but it's not comedy

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Maybe Cummings hadn't heard
Immunity is just a word
Now Dominic is feeling rough
He didn't run quite fast enough

Published in Solidarity 536, 26 February 2020

I continue to enjoy Janine Booth’s poetry for its humanity. Her latest collection Fighting Tories: The Force Awakens develops compelling political ideas out of personal experiences and observations.

It's the end of the end of austerity
Can you believe the temerity?
Sajid has said
That his promise is dead
But the few will retain their prosperity

"Austerity no more" is no more
The previous promise ignored
The election is done
And the Tories have won
And the rule of the market is law