You have no skills – you’re just a carer,
labourer and apron-wearer,
You smear on cream and dish out pills –
you don’t have skills.
You have no skills, you just wipe arses,
the underside of the underclasses,
You wipe up drool, make tea and chat –
Where’s the skill in that?!
You’re a manual handler, heavy lifter,
night or late or early shifter.
Miracle worker, first responder,
fifteen-minute magic wander
Jargon buster and explainer,
Kit inspector, friend and neighbour,
disinfector, dressing changer,
Food preparer, medicator,
burden bearer, educator,
Precious company, progress praiser,
rarely grumpy, spirit-raiser,
Hoister, shopper, cleaner, duster,
moisture mopper, dose adjuster
Symptom spotter, readings taker,
noter, jotter, arrangements maker,
Passage easer, pain reliever,
comfort giver, help to griever
But you don’t work with lathes or drills –
You don’t have skills
Your wages barely pay your bills –
You have no skills
You’re patient, caring, tough, strong-willed –
but still unskilled
That's why that vacancy's unfilled.