That's a Tory
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(To the tune of Dean Martin's That's Amore)

There's a knock at the door
Then a snort, a guffaw
- That's a Tory
With a suit, blue rosette
And a snarl, you can bet
- That's a Tory
When they hurt the disabled
Say they're strong and they're stable
- Some story!
When they tell you to blame the distressed and the lame
- That's a Tory!

When their party is hailed
By the Times and the Mail
- That's a Tory
When 'Corbyn' is said
They exclaim, 'He's a red!'
- That's a Tory
When they can't wait to tell them
'You're not bloody welcome
- Signore'
When they chortle with glee
At Britain's drift out to sea
- That's a Tory!

When they bring back the hunt
And our class bears the brunt
- That's a Tory
When they kiss up the rich
Chuck the poor in a ditch
- That's a Tory
If they canvass round here
Send them running in fear
- Make it gory
Remember at Eton
They enjoy being beaten
- That's the Tories!