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I couldn't be Leia Organa 'cos
I could not pull off 'Princess'
I could not do the pucker scene
With Luke - that's on-screen incest!
Queen Amidala's not for me
She's hardly proletarian
I couldn't be Katniss Everdeen
'Cos I'm a vegetarian
I couldn't ever kill myself
However high the fees
So I am not Louise or Thelma
From Thelma and Louise
Hermione Grainger? She's too young
And as for Mrs Weasley
No - neither all that mothering
Nor magic would come easily
I could not be Uhuru, it's
Too late - that chance has gone
My buckling is not swash enough
To be Elizabeth Swann
No way could I be Buffy -
My high kicks aren't so high
Not fit enough for Lara Croft 
However hard I try
I could not be a Superwoman
Nor ornamental wife
I guess I'll have to stick to playing
The lead in my own life