The Palace ceiling's showing cracks
The servants' quarters may collapse
They can't afford the Bedroom Tax
Please help our Royals In Need
On screen a choked-up millionaire
Is holding tight to Pudsey Bear
Defy their pleadings if you dare
Dig deep for Royals In Need
Let's gold-plate all the Palace doors
We can't think of a better cause
To get this cash from you and yours
Than our poor Royals In Need
But will you hear their desperate cries?
Their trembling lips and tear-filled eyes?
It's your fault if the corgi dies!
Pay up for Royals In Need
So help our starving kings and queens
Lie naked in a bath of beans
And show the world what "British" means
Gawd bless our Royals In Need