Let Them Be Heroes
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Daily Mail headline Let our Teachers be Heroes

Teachers say:
Let Daily Mail writers be heroes

Let them walk naked through war zones
Let them battle with an invisible enemy

Let them fall on the battlefield
in even greater numbers than they already have

Safe in the knowledge that they will be
lionised at the Daily Briefing

And that Matt Hancock may
issue a badge in their honour

Don't let today's namby-pamby
elf-n-safety culture stand in their way

Teaching assistants and other school workers say:
Let Daily Mail photo-croppers be heroes

Let them notice we exist
Let them work a day in our school

Maintaining social distance from
five-year-olds who crave their physical comfort

And spread their breath and tears around
like poster paint

Let them kill and die
in the service of the greater good

(Said greater good being the return of
the wage slaves to their workstations)

Let Daily Mail writers be heroes
just for one day.