Beach Body
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You all must be Beach Body Ready!
Or you surely must wither in shame!
If your body is flawed or unsteady
Then you just have your own self to blame!

No, the beach has no space for relaxing!
It's a place for perfection parades!
You need slimming! And toning! And waxing!
We have products in buckets - and spades!

You must starve! Don't eat food! Skip those meals!
Don't you even consider a cake!
And no matter how dreadful it feels
Pop a pill or go sip on a shake!

Here's a Beach Body tip that's not shoddy:
Don't you listen to adverts that preach
Because all that you need is a body
Just you take it on down to the beach

Sit on sand with your any-shaped booty
Go get tanned with whatever-sized boobs
Know that each one of you is a beauty
Be a man and be proud of your moobs

Take your beer belly, birth marks and stretches
Your prosthetics, your fingerless hand
Disregard nasty comments or leches
We will bury their words in the sand

Yes, right here is a tip that's not shoddy:
Don't you listen to adverts that preach
Because all that you need is a body
Just you take it on down to the beach