Today was the day (Booby Tuesday) to have an MRI scan. That's Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and it produced a much more detailed image of my tumour and breast than the scans (mammogram and ultrasound) I have had so far. It made maps of my baps.
Blog: The Big J vs The Big C
Making the breast of a bad situation ...
On 4 October 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This blog will chart my progress through treatment, and continued enjoyment of life, love and friendship.
Expect humour, irreverance, occasional sadness, and staunch defence of the National Health Service.
Btw, that picture is not me. :-)
- Cup A - Radiotherapyhead
- You're the Breast Thing - The Style Council
- Inspect Yourself - The Staple Fingers
- Mammogram Mia - ABBA
- Ultrasound of the Suburbs - The Members
- Boops of Fury - Chemo-cal Brothers
- Simply the Breast - Tina Turner
- Booby Tuesday - Rolling Stones
- Mammaries - Brabra Streisand
- Dangerous - Bust-a Rhymes
At last I have something in common with Angelina Jolie. We're both having trouble with our Brad Pitts.
They said they'd have to remove part of my breast, but I reckon they're just making a molehill out of a mountain.
When the nurse had given me the lump lowdown, she asked me if I had any questions.
I didn’t want to ask about medical stuff – they had already told me loads and the rest was in the book or on the end of a phone. So I blurted out pretty much the only question I cared about: How do I tell my kids?
When I checked in at the breast clinic, they told me to sit in the waiting room with the udders.
Being me, I fucked up even attending the appointment. Got the time wrong (thought it was at 10:40; it was 10:20) then spent ten minutes in a queue I didn't expect to be there.
We'll see if we can squeeze you in, they said, and squeeze me in they did. I expect there is going to be a lot of squeezing in - and some squeezing out - over the next few months.
I got stuck in the mammogram machine and couldn't get out.
It was a booby trap.
They're big and they're flopsy
They had a biopsy
Wore a gown like a nightie
My clothes in the lockers
Some people like me
But I do have my knockers
Tubes in my boobs
Making maps of my baps
Taking bits of my tits
Then I got the answer
They will be pointing
Their surgical pistols
Straight at my Bristols
Dear Friends. Today I got the news that I've been expecting/dreading since I noticed a couple of weeks ago that my right breast had changed shape. I have breast cancer.
I have a 2.5cm lump, and the good news is that it hasn't spread to my lymph nodes. I will have an MRI scan next week, then surgery within a month, to be followed by further treatment.
In the meantime, here are the rules: