My Poems

Having written and performed as The Big J in the 1980s, Janine started again in 2014, after a brief interlude of around a quarter of a century.

Froms sonnets to villanelles, limericks to ballads, the occasional rap and plenty of straightforward rants, serious and humorous and sometimes both, here is Janine's verse.

Gove Alone

Michael Gove's most wicked crime
As far as most of us can tell
Was not to leave his kid behind
But leaving ours behind as well

BoJo Logic

Boris arms the Saudis
They use those arms to kill
He says if we don't arm them
Then other countries will

So when I next see Boris
His nuts will meet my knee
And if I get arrested
Then this will be my plea:

Oh officer, I claim my act
Was for the greater good
And if I hadn't done it
Some other fucker would

Babyface

You don't look small and cute enough
Your upper lip has grown some fluff
You look quite tall and rather tough
You show the scars of sleeping rough
You look so foreign, feral, wild
You don't look like a child

Alterations to the Schedule at the Picturehouse and Ritzy

We've cancelled Night Of The Living Dead
To show Day Of The Living Wage instead
On strike because Honey, I Shrunk Their Wage
​They've Anger at Management, they're showing Rage

​When they Walk The Line, they mean the picket
It's Independence Day and It's just Not Cricket
​No Terms Of Endearment, but terms and conditions
No Western Union, they want union recognition

Tests on My Breasts

Take this basket into this stall
Waist upwards: off with it all
On with the gown
(No, the other way round)
This is what we're going to do
OK with you?

Into the room, off with the gown
Lift your breast and lay it down
​On this plate, stand like this
Shoulder back, hand on hip
​This might squeeze a little bit

Rude Words

When Donald Trump said
"Grab them by the pussy"
The objectionable word
was not "pussy"
It was "grab"
His words were not "lewd"
They were violent

Tumour Humour: Titter Ye Not

They're big and they're flopsy
They had a biopsy

Wore a gown like a nightie
My clothes in the lockers
Some people like me
But I do have my knockers

Tubes in my boobs
Making maps of my baps
Taking bits of my tits
Then I got the answer
It's cancer
Oh shit

Next appointment
They will be pointing
Their surgical pistols
Straight at my Bristols

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