Newspapers! Telly! All that stuff! Corporate ones that drive you up the wall; maybe some better ones that make you think ...
"If a man ever raised his hand to me
I'd be gone."
Roars and applause from the studio audience
Put the shame-faced guest in her place
And the waves of clapping
Wash the blame
From him to her
You don't look small and cute enough
Your upper lip has grown some fluff
You look quite tall and rather tough
You show the scars of sleeping rough
You look so foreign, feral, wild
You don't look like a child
Today is Queen Elizabeth's 90th birthday, and the media is awash with fawning coverage. Yesterday, queen of entertainment Victoria Wood died. This is a respectful reworking of Victoria Wood's classic Ballad of Freda and Barry (Let's Do It).
Freda and Barry sat one day
Debating the issues that came their way
Freda thinks equality's the way ahead
But Barry likes Harry and so he said ...
Spend three quid at Spar
Get free Sun: What can I buy
For two ninety-nine?
It's free of charge but still not
Value for money
'Sonnet' means 'little song'; Saga Noren is the (autistic) lead character in Swedish/Danish crime drama The Bridge.
A little song across a Bridge to link
A multi-neuro-lingual Tower of Babel
Two tongues, two countries, varied ways to think
On fire not cold, you're different not unstable
Unmentioned spectrum's focus, dedication
Not held up by romantic hero's arms
Your single mind concludes investigation
No need for verbal foreplay, social charms
Embittered colleague, hostile boss and mother
Atypical emotions still run true
The problems you have understanding others
Are no more than their problems knowing you
Subtitle this if our sort still seem foreign:
I think perhaps I love you, Saga Noren
I couldn't be Leia Organa 'cos
I could not pull off 'Princess'
I could not do the pucker scene
With Luke - that's on-screen incest!
Queen Amidala's not for me
She's hardly proletarian
I couldn't be Katniss Everdeen
'Cos I'm a vegetarian
I couldn't ever kill myself
However high the fees
So I am not Louise or Thelma
From Thelma and Louise
Channel Five's schedule
For most every day
Benefits Street cesspool
And Welfarers Way
Ramsay Street Scroungers
Then Home and Away
They're idlers and loungers
In old Summer Bay
Then Stateside US
For our afternoon treat
No Current Income Street
Lights, Camera, Sanctions
A click of a mouse
From the Big Benefits house
In 1848, in response to the 300-strong Convention for Woman's Rights in Seneca Falls (USA) and its Declaration of Sentiments, a Philadelphia newspaper urged the city's ladies not to join the new movement and become women but to stay as "wives, belles, virgins and mothers". Here's my poetic response: