The media

Newspapers! Telly! All that stuff! Corporate ones that drive you up the wall; maybe some better ones that make you think ...

On The Show Today

"If a man ever raised his hand to me
I'd be gone."

Roars and applause from the studio audience
Put the shame-faced guest in her place

And the waves of clapping 
Wash the blame
From him to her

Babyface

You don't look small and cute enough
Your upper lip has grown some fluff
You look quite tall and rather tough
You show the scars of sleeping rough
You look so foreign, feral, wild
You don't look like a child

Queen Vic (Let's Do It)

Today is Queen Elizabeth's 90th birthday, and the media is awash with fawning coverage. Yesterday, queen of entertainment Victoria Wood died. This is a respectful reworking of Victoria Wood's classic Ballad of Freda and Barry (Let's Do It).

Freda and Barry sat one day
Debating the issues that came their way
Freda thinks equality's the way ahead
But Barry likes Harry and so he said ...

A Sonnet for Saga

'Sonnet' means 'little song'; Saga Noren is the (autistic) lead character in Swedish/Danish crime drama The Bridge.

A little song across a Bridge to link
A multi-neuro-lingual Tower of Babel
Two tongues, two countries, varied ways to think
On fire not cold, you're different not unstable
Unmentioned spectrum's focus, dedication
Not held up by romantic hero's arms
Your single mind concludes investigation
No need for verbal foreplay, social charms
Embittered colleague, hostile boss and mother
Atypical emotions still run true
The problems you have understanding others
Are no more than their problems knowing you
Subtitle this if our sort still seem foreign:
I think perhaps I love you, Saga Noren

Superwoman

I couldn't be Leia Organa 'cos
I could not pull off 'Princess'
I could not do the pucker scene
With Luke - that's on-screen incest!
Queen Amidala's not for me
She's hardly proletarian
I couldn't be Katniss Everdeen
'Cos I'm a vegetarian
I couldn't ever kill myself
However high the fees
So I am not Louise or Thelma
From Thelma and Louise

Benefits Street

Channel Five's schedule
For most every day
Benefits Street cesspool 
And Welfarers Way

Ramsay Street Scroungers 
Then Home and Away
They're idlers and loungers
In old Summer Bay

Then Stateside US
For our afternoon treat
It's NCIS:
No Current Income Street

Lights, Camera, Sanctions
A click of a mouse
Audience reactions
From the Big Benefits house

Become Not Women

In 1848, in response to the 300-strong Convention for Woman's Rights in Seneca Falls (USA) and its Declaration of Sentiments, a Philadelphia newspaper urged the city's ladies not to join the new movement and become women but to stay as "wives, belles, virgins and mothers". Here's my poetic response:

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