Molly choked
On her voddy and coke
When Pat told her the Tories’ intention
To unlock her pension
Not to mention
Their plans for social care
Grow old if you dare
Mrs May says
It’s her lucky day
Molly can die in her own home
But as soon as she’s cold
Her home will be sold
To pay off the loan
To cover the bill
She racked up being ill
Sod that
Said Pat
And Molly agreed
That we don’t need
Bertie’s in his thirties
Never voted in his life
Couldn’t tell the difference
Couldn’t split ’em with a knife
Tells his mates Nate and James
It’s always the same
Whoever gets in
No matter who you vote for
The government always wins
He saw that on a T-shirt once
Made him laugh
Gave him cover
Not to bother
Picking one above the other
Actually, he did look last time –
Or was it the time before? –
And from what Bertie saw
There was no way to tell
Who was on his side
No way to decide
But Nate says
Hang on mate
That was then
This is now
Look again
Rob’s got a job
It’s eight pounds something an hour
And he doesn’t find out
How many hours he gets
Until he gets a text
Each day about the next
Must supply own cap
To doff to the boss
Best not to cross him, mind
Or Rob will find
He’s not got a job after all
It’s not too far to fall
But still
There’s nothing he can do but soldier on
It never ends
But his friend said hold on
Told him about this party
No, not that sort of party
He doesn’t need to gatecrash
Or pay cash
He just needs to cast his vote
(Rob makes a note)
This party will make his wages
A tenner an hour at least
And guaranteed hours each week
So Rob’s going to play wise
Going to vote himself a pay rise
Then he’s going to unionise
Clare’s on the spectrum
She’s looking at the parties
That want us to elect them
She’s says there’s only one of them
Even gives our sort a mention
She’s going to vote for autism-friendly
For neurodiversity
Had enough of adversity
Wants to go to university
Maybe get a nursing bursary
Couldn’t go before
Couldn’t afford the fee
Maybe she could go
If it’s going to be free
Clare thinks logically, topically
Consciously, responsibly
Clare thinks literally
She doesn’t want pity
She wants rights and equality
Insight and honesty
She’s looking at the policies
Not the personalities
Looks at the realities
Mags is voting for the flag
Country first, she cries
Let this nation rise!
Traces her roots, salutes
Says we ought to start at home
Look after our own
Too many laws from beyond our borders
And there’s too many of them here
Aren’t there dear?
She was just saying to her mate Kate
All that class stuff’s out of date
But Kate and her pal Al
Said come on, Mags
Get your face out of those tabloid rags
Look round this place
They’re just like us
It’s them that’s not
That lot
With the blue rosettes and the Rolex watch
And the stash
Of cash
Tarquin knows which side his bread is buttered on
He mutters on
About reds
And care home beds
And how much they cost
And empires lost
And what the Daily Mail said
About going back to the seventies
Then he orders his elevenses
And gives forth some more
About corporation tax
And watching your backs
And how his firm can not possibly afford
To pay more
Even though it paid it before
Those nice Old Etonians trimmed it back
Splendid chaps
Keep the better class in charge
He says
What we need is
Leaders with breeding
True blue
Through and through
Nothing else will do
And Tarquin voted
And so did we
And if we didn’t get a victory
We certainly shocked the system
And now we’ll resist them
And next time can’t come soon enough
And now we have policies to shout about
Next time we will kick them out
