I like my breasts like I like my tea. Milky and with no lumps.
Blog: The Big J vs The Big C
Making the breast of a bad situation ...
On 4 October 2016, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This blog will chart my progress through treatment, and continued enjoyment of life, love and friendship.
Expect humour, irreverance, occasional sadness, and staunch defence of the National Health Service.
Btw, that picture is not me. :-)
I was very pleased to receive this letter ...
To: Janine Booth, Marxist trade unionist and poet
20 October 2016
Dear Comrade Janine,
We heard with great concern about your breast cancer diagnosis. We hope that your treatment goes well and that you have a speedy and full recovery.
I'd like a false breast made of mahogany. That would be lovely, wooden tit?
I am writing this in an airport.
My 50th birthday was on Thursday. Strangely, The Sun and The Mail are not questioning my age.
Six women in the waiting room for mammography. That sounds busy, dozen tit?
All these breast surgery jokes have me in stitches. Oh well, suture self.
Take this basket into this stall
Waist upwards: off with it all
On with the gown
(No, the other way round)
This is what we're going to do
OK with you?
Into the room, off with the gown
Lift your breast and lay it down
On this plate, stand like this
Shoulder back, hand on hip
This might squeeze a little bit
I had something of a setback today, as the MRI scan results showed a second lump.
It's in the same breast, and is pretty small - 4.5mm compared to the 27mm of the 'main' lump. It may not even make much difference - hopefully, they can whip it out during the surgery along with the other lump. But it's not really what you want to hear, and it can't help but bring a feeling to mind of the cancer spreading.
Today was the day (Booby Tuesday) to have an MRI scan. That's Magnetic Resonance Imaging, and it produced a much more detailed image of my tumour and breast than the scans (mammogram and ultrasound) I have had so far. It made maps of my baps.
- Cup A - Radiotherapyhead
- You're the Breast Thing - The Style Council
- Inspect Yourself - The Staple Fingers
- Mammogram Mia - ABBA
- Ultrasound of the Suburbs - The Members
- Boops of Fury - Chemo-cal Brothers
- Simply the Breast - Tina Turner
- Booby Tuesday - Rolling Stones
- Mammaries - Brabra Streisand
- Dangerous - Bust-a Rhymes